airsoftmodeJun 3, 2007 11:04pm
Under Red Sky
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
First part of a short story i wrote, tell me what you think
michaeldJun 3, 2007 11:18pm
I'll pay $5 more then the other guy.
[quote="Amateur Ninja"]obviously you dont know him.
Capn_CrunkJun 4, 2007 12:21am
didn't read/10
dingJun 4, 2007 12:56am
Not enough death - or explicit sex for that matter...
[quote:582c615167="Iceman2026"] kids lock their moms inside when Matt is walking around town[/quote:582c615167]
D-DeltaJun 4, 2007 2:48am
Is that all that matters to anyone any more?? lol
"Oh you don't understand? Let me explain."
GuestJun 4, 2007 3:02am
ASA MATTER UF FACT! that is what matters to most people mostly these days.. lol
D-DeltaJun 4, 2007 3:06am
good lord what happened to this generation??? :shock:
"Oh you don't understand? Let me explain."
airsoftmodeJun 4, 2007 6:14am
thanks man, will do
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
fuddruckersJun 4, 2007 6:17am
[quote="D-Delta"]good lord what happened to this generation??? :shock:[/quote]
GuestJun 4, 2007 6:31am
[quote="rap1171"][quote="D-Delta"]good lord what happened to this generation??? :shock:[/quote]
michaeldJun 4, 2007 7:49am
[quote="XpoisonfreeX"]
[quote="Amateur Ninja"]obviously you dont know him.
airsoftbum2006Jun 4, 2007 9:59pm
i stopped reading once i got the vibe that you over think your sentences. detail is good, but it gets excessive when too much description is given. then again i am in no way a writer.
Airsofter58Jun 4, 2007 10:14pm
yeah u do bro. Ive wrote like 3 short stories and I tend to run sentences and it's not that you run yours you just put way too much description, when people hear about beasts that are muscular and stuff in the first sentences there like alright lets read this! But they decide to stop to do "reading" words they can't read, dont know the meaning of, or are just bored with meaningless sentences that just describe something more and more.
Im already here so somebody's gotta die....
0arsenal0Jun 4, 2007 10:18pm
Man...all it would take is for Kris Kristopherson to read that into a tape recorder, and I would write a 20 minute long instrumental for it. (acoustic of course) I really love the description and detail. (still haven't read the whole thing. Just wanted to post a compliment to weed out any "constructive criticism")
God Bless You
0arsenal0Jun 4, 2007 10:20pm
Read the rest.....would defintely throw in some metal. Tons of layered guitar solos LOL
God Bless You
airsoftmodeJun 5, 2007 1:43am
dude its nuts that your saying that cuz the idea for this story was originally a screen play for a music video for my budies band
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"